We got questions, you got answers
by kastrel
Summary: This is a type of story that i have seen done many times for anime and manga, but not books, i hope to change that. review and send questions or dares, to the cast of Harry Potter. This story is rated as is, because some dares are mature in nature
1. Chapter1

We got questions, and you got answers

CH1

"speaking"

"_thinking"_

"SHOUTING"

"**angry/Ulquiorra"**

"questions or dares"

**Disclamer**: I do not own the HP franchise, if I did, I would have made it into an anime, or Tv series, nor do I own any other anime, or manga referenced

"Well" I say as I look up at the words floating above me "Looks like we're ready to start", I turn to Ulquiorra and quip "You good to go?" as he floats next to me, having done nothing but watch as I used five ladders, and many, many bottles of author variety crazy glue to get the words to stick.

"**Yes, although I do not know why you want me to be here. Nor how you got Aizen-sama to allow you to have me?" ** he drawls.

"Thats easy" I say "I asked nicely, and bribed him with a plate of fresh cookies".

"**You have to be kidding me.**" he monotones while giving me a look that suggest that he is wondering what combination of drugs I am on.

"Nope" I chirp happily "Who knew that evil villains with god complex's couldn't resist macadamia nut chip cookies, and besides would you rather I have gotten Grimmkitty to help me instead of you?"

"**No, I would prefer that Grimmjow be kept where someone can keep an eye on him.**

"Good answer" I say as I eye-smile "Because otherwise, I would have gone and gotten him, while leaving you tied to a chair while Gin reads you every lemony Ulqihime story I can find for him."

"**..."**

"Umm" I mutter as I watch him form one of his lances, "What are you doing?" I fearfully ask him.

"**Killing you before you can carry out your threat." **he snarls.

"Eeep" I squeak before hopping into the air, and with a "Meep, meep" I'm hightailing it out of there with an enraged Ulquiorra after me.

I turn to the screen and say "Well folks lets get started before I get killed, so ACTION"

As we start, we zoom in on a large complex that is completely hidden in the scottish country side, about a five minute walk into the Forbidden forest. We then move onto the stage that has been set up in the main ballroom of the complex.

A person walks out from back stage and into the spotlight. It is a young man who looks to be eighteen, wearing a black swallowtail vest, a silver, button up dress shirt, black slacks and loafers, has ice blue eyes that have a spark of mischief, and has silver hair styled like Sebastian's from Kuro Hitsuji.

As I walk out in to the centre, I grab a convenient microphone, and say

"Welcome ladies and gents, and Harry Potter cast".

I wave my hand in front of me, and the lights turn on, showing the HP cast sitting on comfortable chairs and couches, with Butterbeer, and Fire whiskey.

Now that they can see they all look up at me and Draco being the impatient ferret he is shouts "Who the HELL are you, and what the HELL are we doing in here with a bunch of mudbloods and blood-traitors".

"Hush Draco", says Lucius while noting the number of "light" wizards outnumber them.

I sigh and say, "You should listen to your father and watch what you say young Mr. Malfoy, because, while I may be a muggle, (which drew surprised looks from the "light" and grey wizards, and glares from blood purists) I have many connections and abilities that are unknown to your kind." I spoke, as I let out a bit of my Dying Will Flame*, which has a look of yellow sparks of light**. This surprised everyone even more as they had never heard that mundanes had these kinds of powers before, "Heh" scoffs Draco with a smug grin "Fire, that's something that any first year can do" as the rest of the cannon fodd... uh I mean Death Eaters and one Dark Lord sneer at me.

I smile innocently at them as an image of a demon with large bat wings, two horns coming out of his long black hair, with slit green eyes with tear tracks and a hole in his chest**, appears behind me and causes Pettigrew to shite himself in fear as I turn to a steel pillar beside me before punching right through it with my flame covered fist.

"Now are we all going to cooperate?", I ask with thinly veiled threats.

"Yes", came the unanimous reply, "Good", I say as I turn to the Demon "Thanks Ulquiorra, can I count on you to help enforce some order here",

"**Yes, because Aizen-sama unfortunately lent me to you to help with your project"**.

"Thanks, and if the blonde prat over there keeps acting up you can eat him" I drawl.

"**Hmm, I never have had ferret before, but there is always a first for everything." **muses Ulquiorra as he pulls out a fork, knife and salt and pepper shakers, with a napkin materializing around his neck. As my captiv... I mean guests are in varying states of shock and fear.

"WHAT THE HELL DO YOU MEAN THAT HE CAN EAT ME" screams Draco in fear trying to back away as fast as he can.

"Oh" I say as I blink owlishly and turn back to the cast, "Ulquiorra is an advanced form of a soul devouring spirit called a Hollow, and he is going to be my enforcer here" I blurt out with a smile, oblivious to my guests growing sense of discomfort.

"Ok" I say after tapping the microphone to get everyones attention back onto me "I guess I better explain what you are doing here. You all have been brought to this magically enhanced and modified warehouse complex which has been changed into a nice compound so that you can all answer questions and perform dares that you will hopefully receive. The compound has been outfitted into a place where you all can relax in between getting questions, or receiving dares, from people. This is also being broadcast all over fanfiction as a show called, "We got questions, you got answers". So I hope you all try your best or I will leave you to the tender mercies of Ulquiorra or your respective FanBoys/Girls, and yes before you ask, they do need the capitalization".

They all stare at me wondering when the nice men will come to take me to ST Mungo's when Dumbledore speaks up "If I may ask, who are you, as you seem to know about us and our society... and can I get some sherbert lemons***?

"Oops" I say as I realize (thanks to Dumbledore) that I had forgot to introduce myself.

I look at the cast and say "I am your host for the duration of the show Fubuki Fang or FuFang if you want, oh and this place has been warded so that no offensive magic can be cast outside of the compounds gym, and there will be no killing... unless in a dare".

They all sweatdrop and think "_And he is the one in charge... were doomed"_.

"Okay everyone, before we wrap this session up, I have one question and a few announcements to make", once I know that I have the casts attention I pull out a queue card and read out "The question is for anyone to answer, ok and here it is. How many blonde ferrets does it take to screw in a lightbulb?"

I look out at the cast and see, a furious Malfoy family, a laughing Weasley family and the rest of the students and Moody laughing or trying to hide their chuckles or giggles.

Surprisingly the one to answer the question once everyone has calmed down a little is Luna.

"Alright Luna, whats the answer?" I ask her after she puts her hand down, "It's three" she says in her dreamy voice while everyone waits to hear her explanation "One to preen himself, one to loose to Harry at Quidditch, and one to wonder what a lightbulb is." she answers as if it was completely obvious, causing another outbreak of laughter.

"Oh. My. God." I manage to get out between laughs " That was hilarious Luna, just for that I am making you one of my co-hosts."

"Oh goody does that mean I get a crumple horned snorkack" squeals Luna.

"Only if someone sends one in a review" I say to calm her down.

"OK goodbye and see you all once we get some reviews" I say before disappearing in a swirl of yellow lights. Leaving the cast to relax for a while, before they head off to sleep.

AN: So how was it? It is my first Fic and I want it to be popular. I you can send reviews and dares in for any character, and that includes different ages of character. There are three different age groups to pick from. The Maruaders era, Post-Battle-of-hogwarts era, and nineteen-years-later era. Please please review, if you do, you will get a cookie. I am accepting OC's to be co-host, I am going to have a total of seven co-host, one is Luna, two are the twins, and another is reserved for my friend. This means that I have three slots left for people to fill. If you wish to have your OC be a co-host, please send me a description with a review. Please review or I will send my numerous plot bunnies after you.

FubukiFang

Signing out.


	2. Chapter 2

We got questions, and you got answers

CH2

"speaking"

'thinking'

"SHOUTING"

"**angry/Ulquiorra"**

" / " switching between twins in twin speak

_Reviews_

(Sound Effects)

[questions or dares]

{Parts of reviews that characters can't see but hosts can}

**Disclamer**: I do not own the HP franchise, if I did, I would have made it into an anime, or Tv series, nor do I own any other anime, or manga referenced

"Ok are we all set to begin the plan?" I ask as I turn my chair around and look over my steepled hands at my co-conspirators. "Luna".

The daydreaming blonde to my left turns towards me and answers "Yes, the new co-host has just arrived and should be joining us in about" she checks her watch "Ten minutes... or more if she gets distracted."

I sigh "Lets hope not, I have a hard enough time keeping her from going crazy with her own projects, and I don't want a repeat of the "Chibi Incident"* those poor frenchmen." I say while shuddering in remembrance of said event. "Oh and are you sure you're fine with the arrangement that we have?" I idly ask the diminutive figure who was sitting in the chair to my right.

"Hai, I do have to say that I have been getting bored recently and I think it will do me and Lichii** some good to travel again." said the figure of aisiatic appearance.

"Well I am glad to have you aboard Fon, with someone of you calibre around here, we will hopefully have less chaos." I say with a relieved expression as I turn to the pair sitting at the end of the table, and ask "Alright Heckle & Jeckle are the modifications done yet?"

"Of course..."

"They are." reply The Twins*** in their usual double speak "We added / the steel vault /door to / the FanGirl room and / set up / the change rooms."

"Excellent!" I crow excitedly, "Now all we have to do is wait for..." (BANG) "Her. Hey LS your late you know that." I point out to our newest member who is wearing a pair of deep purple almost black knee-length pants and sleeve-less top, with a royal purple skirt, a black and purple fingerless glove on her right hand and one on her left arm that extends up to her shoulder.

"Hey Fubu-Sempai*" she says while playing with a strand of her purple-red hair "Sorry I got lost, but I found this awesome kitchen and I just had to bake some chocolate-chip kunai, and shuriken shortbreads before we start the show." she smiles as she offers a basket filled with the aforementioned treats to everyone at the table.

"Thank you LS" I mumble around a mouthful of cookie before swallowing ,"Okay are we all ready to start the show?" and after receiving some form of an affirmative from my co-hosts, walk over to the PA system and press the button and announce to everyone in the building.

"HELLO MAY I HAVE YOUR ATTENTION" I wait a few seconds before continuing "WE HAVE REVIEWS, I REPAET, WE HAVE REVIEWS, ALL PERSONAL TO MEETING ROOM A, IN COMPLEX 1." "Ok everyone to the chairs!" I shout to the assemble hosts before we all rush to and sat in a row of comfortable high-back armchairs that are along the back wall with the two on the left side covered in dust and cobwebs** and then we descended down into a large ballroom/meeting room with various people sitting around drinking and talking, or at the refreshments table getting food, the part that scared me, and made me want to run and hide under my bed with a bottle of brain-bleach, was that the two sides were in a sense getting along.

"Um LS, is it just me or is that Harry, Voldemort, Draco, Ron, and Dumbledore playing monopoly?" I absently ask my best friend as I look at the aforementioned group gathered around a table.

"Only if that is Hermione Ginny, Molly, Narcissa and Bellatrix watching Sex and The City." she said equally as dumbfounded while staring vacantly at the group of girls doing just that, when we suddenly turn to each other and say

"Author pact." when I add "This never happened", "Agreed" she says without any hesitation in her voice. "Good, would you care for a bottle of triple proof Brain-Bleach?" I offer.

"Why thank you Fubu-Sempai, I would love one." she says before excepting the offered bottle and saying "Cheers." and joining me in placing the bottle against our ears and tilting our heads so that it runs into our brain.

"Ah that hits the spot" I sigh out, "And now that I can no longer remember what was disturbing me, I have to ask you all to please stop what you are doing and come to the sitting area pleas." while waiting for the cast to get sorted out on the couches, I turn to the twin closest to me and ask, "Hey, did you guys get the kitchen stocked with baking and confectionary ingredients while you were setting up for the LS's appearance?"

"Sure did, Fu, but why did we need one hundred pounds of sugar?" Gred asks me back.

"Because LS bakes all of her own killer confectionary's and deadly baked goods herself, and would probably commit her own version of the "Bamboo Incident", even though I made her leave Chow-Chow with her friend. That bear freaks me out.". Gred looks like he wants to find out about what I'm talking about, but before he can bring up any traumatic memories, I turn back to the crowd and start the show.

"Hello everybody. And welcome to the second episode of "We Got Questions, You Got Answers". Being hosted from our remote compound within the forbidden forest. I am your host FubukiFang, and joining us today as permanent members of my host club, are LunaScriptor, or LS for short the cloud flame user, and here personal character, the Arcobaleno of the Storm, Fon and his partner Lichii the monkey" I say before giving a round of applause to my friend and co-host, before continuing

"You might also recognize some other familiar faces who have joined me as co-host, and with a round of applause, I would like to introduce to you all, Luna Lovegood, the mist flame user of my group and experimental theorist for our projects, and Gred and Forge, or is it Fred and George, which ever you two prefer, the thunder flame users of our team. And a note to all viewers out there, all characters are available to question or dare, including myself and my co-hosts. Now that, that is out of the way, we can move on to a new feature of the show. Cosplay Corner, a section requested by LS, where at the beginning of every episode, one or more characters are chosen to cosplay for the entire episode unless required by a dare or review. And todays winners are!" I yell out at the end while pointing at a large wheel with lights moving around the edge before slowing and stopping on...

"FRED AND GEORGE" I shout, "who will, by request from LS be cosplaying as the lovable Hitachiin Twins form Ouran School Host Club." I finish as Fon grabs both twins by a leg, and drags them through a door that is labelled COSPLAY, before the door slams ominously shut and sounds emit from the room for a few minutes before the door opens, and Fred and George stumble out with their hair stylized while wearing black slacks and loafers with white button down shirts and blue school blazers with a gold shield stitched above the heart, looking dazedly at the cast while the cast stares at the metamorphosis that the two underwent, not noticing LS skipping out behind them with Fon sitting on her head smiling beatifically.

After admiring LS's handiwork for a few more minutes, I then guide the shellshocked teens back to there seats before turning back to the audience.

"Alright, now that we have that out of the way, we shall move onto the first of our two reviews, which comes from Gamerteen13, who has two questions and they are

_Question for Draco:_

_My question is, do you really hate Harry? or are you two secretly in love?_

_{Note to FubukiFang:_

_TAPE THE REACTIONS!_

_I'll pay you fifty bucks for the tape!}_

_Question for Hermione:_

_I don't get Pureblood Supremacy._

_Can you explain it to me?_

_There's, what, a few tens of thousands Purebloods(maybe) in all of Britain?_

_We Muggles out number Them significantly._

_They are surrounded on all sides._

_AND we have guns._

_Give a Pureblood a dagger, put him in a hall with a Muggle(opposite ends),_

_give the Muggle a pistol._

_Guess who wins?_

"Alright, lets answer the nice writers question, so first up is Draco, GT13 wants to know if you really hate Harry, or are you two secretly in love?" lets have you answer.

"**Are you insane!** You think I love scar-head, I get married in the epilogue, so why would you think I love him. I don't hate him, but he dose annoy me more than anyone else except for the Weasel, so that counts for something." he answers annoyed and angered at the question on his preference.

"Sheesh, no need to get your tail in a knot ferret, it was just a question, and you should know that you being paired up with Harry is one of the most popular pairings for HP FanFics, and people use all of your fighting as unresolved sexual tension between you two." I blandly state to a rapidly paling Draco and Harry, before the two teens grab bottles of Brain-Bleach and proceed to wipe their minds of the information that people enjoy imagining them doing the nasty with each other.

Ignoring the two distraught teens I turn back to the slightly green crowd and continue the review, "Okay Hermione, GT13 would like you to explain the concept of Pureblood Supremacy to them, but first, me and Lucius are going to perform an experiment, so without further ado." I clap my hands twice and we are in an arena like room with seating around the field, with everyone but me and Lucius in the stands while me and Ferret Sr. are in the field ten feet apart, him holding his wand and a dagger, and me holding a fully loaded Smith and Wesson six-shot revolver. "Okay Lucy, heres how it is going to work, we will have the timer count down from three, and then we will try to kill each other, it is not permanent, the loser will just be sent to respawn and then we will finish this review and move on to the next, ok."

"Agreed" he says stiffly, and grips his wand tighter, waiting for the signal of.

"THREE, TWO, ONE, GO" starts the signal as lucy raises his wand and starts to snarl "AVAD..." (BANG), and stops short as he lacks the ability to speak with a bullet lodged in his head, and drops to the floor before his body dissolves into particles to be sent to the respawn machine.

"Alright, now that we know that a bullet beats wizards, lets move on" I quip before clapping twice to send us back to the room where we find Lucius waiting back in his chair. "Now that we are back, lets ask Hermione for her answer to the question." I say and point to the frizzy haired witch in the crowd.

"Well, the idea is simply that the more "wizard blood that you have, the more powerful and skilled you will be, which I really think is a flawed line of reasoning, as all of the "Pureblood" didn't just pop up from nowhere, they had to start from somewhere, which means they are descended from muggles as well, heck, Merlin was a muggle born himself, and Purebloods worship him." she states calmly before descending into mutterings of how to modernize the corrupt and incompetent social system.

I tear my eyes away from the slightly deranged Hermione and to my second review, "Okay everyone" I say a little louder than normal to get everyones attention back on task, "We are moving on to our second and last review for the episode, which comes from LunaScriptor" LS munches on a shuriken shortbread and waves to the crowd, " And she says"

_Luna, my name sharing darling, I gift to you a crumple horned snorkack as a_

_welcome to the hosting world! AND YOU, Fubu-sempai, thanks for the job!_

_I love the story so far, the beginning was awesome! *whispers* Between_

_friends, why where you floating? AND CAN I FLOAT?* Your humor works and your_

_writing style is good. Hope you get lots of reviews!_

_Oh, and I dare the Weasley twins to cosplay the Hitachiin twins... and if they_

_refuse they will face a fate worse than YOU got for calling me Sakura! _

_Glomps to Hagrid, Snape and Sirius! And sparkles of doom for everyone else._

_Love to you Fubu-sempai_

"Okay, well we have got the twins out of the way at the beginning of the show, so we can move on to my question, Luna's gift, and the surprise for the cast. So here you go Luna, one Crumple-horned-snorkack. In this handy traveling pet cage, but I ask that you keep him in his cage for now. He likes to nibble." I inform Luna as I hand her a traveling pet cage that contains her Snorcack.

"Oh goodie!" squeals Luna, "I can't wait to show daddy, I think I will call him Nibbler." we leave Luna to squeal over her new pet to get back to our waiting audience.

"Alright, now we have a question for me. And yes LS, all author(esses) have the ability to bend the laws of physics to an extent within their works, but I normally try to limit my use of such powers to simple things." I answer my eagerly listening co-host who is writing down what I said on a small notepad, that she makes disappear after she is finished writing.

After waiting LS to finish, I turn back to the crowed of steadily growing tired wizards and witches, and decide to perform the final request, so that we can get some sleep.

"If I can have all of your eyes and ears, to the front of the room, I will require Hagrid, Snape, and Sirius to please come to the front of the room while Fred and George, ready the rest of the request." I say while helping the twins prepare two large airtight bags as the three vict... I mean lucky winners come up to the front of the room where they are glomped by a hyper LS. Meanwhile I turn away from the three being, in their minds assaulted, to the twins and shout "FIRE IN THE HOLE" before hurling the bags into the air above the transfixed crowd before the bags burst from two pinpoint reductor curses from Fred and George. That causes the crowd to be showered by a rain of pink sparkles that cause feelings of unease and fear.

Leaving them to their doom for a few minutes, the twins turn to me and ask "Well Fu, that was absolutely spiffing / bang up work / but we were wondering / if we / could sell / those / at the shop?" they finish of together in their usual manner before I turn on the vent fans to save the cast from contracting a case of Armstrongitis as I answer the twins "Sorry boys, no can do. The SOD are trademarked as a good of the Armstrong corporation that has been passed down the family for generations, and I don't think they are willing to sell them to anyone except writers." I answer with a shy grin at the dejected looks that they are sending at me, "Buck up boys, that means that you get to invent your own sparkle of terror." I say while the twins expressions change to devious as they retreat to the corner to start experimenting.

"Ok, ignoring Heckle and Jeckle in the corner, I would just like to thank you all for coming today, and thank you to both Gamerteen13 or GT13 as I have nicknamed them, and to LS who has joined me as a co-host. I am FubukiFang, your host and we are signing off. Goodbye." I end the show with a bow before mine and the rest of the hosts are raised back into the control suite, where we all say goodnight and trundle off to do our own things before drifting off to sleep, dreaming of reviews and what could be coming.

#######

AN: Holy crikey, I'm so sorry for not posting sooner, but the procrastination, school, and work bugs, decided I would make a tasty sank and bit me like crazy. But I hope that you all enjoy the chapter. And I am still looking for people to fill in the positions of storm and rain, so if you want your OC to be a permanent co-host, send in a review with their, description, personality, any quirks they may have, and if you want them to have storm or rain flame.

This is FubukiFang signing out.

R&R please.


End file.
